When I think of my blog, J. Lo’s album title comes to mind; This is Me…Then. Or maybe something like, Moments of Manifestation. You see, writing tends to liberate me. But just as bullets, once discharged, they can’t be taken back. My words are gone, no longer in my grasp. Either forced out to enlighten, brighten, or simply as a means to vent. Usually after I’ve experienced this release, I don’t explore the matter again. I do not wish to talk about, think about, or dwell upon me then because I have moved on.
“While You Were Thinking” came about because at times I was a volatile tea kettle steaming from every crack. I had so much on my mind, yet speak much more eloquently on paper than in person. You know, while in the heat of an argument you can’t think of one word to say in return until you turn to walk away. Then like water set free from a dam, an overwhelming flow of words come flooding back to your being. But by then it’s too late. The moment has passed. You would demonstrate a self-indulgent spirit if you revisited the matter. So instead of keeping it all in or writing hidden messages that were never meant for any eye, I decided to mature a bit and let the world have a glimpse of the endless storybook in my mind.
At times I try to draw a picture with my words because as Naki reminds me, I too dream in color. Other times, I realize that you can never see what God shows me and any literary depiction is an imperceptibly miniscule attempt to exhibit what is exclusively shared by me and God. It’s sort of like our little secret. Because even the most well intentioned people, and this world, have the tendency to dampen the greatest of dreams if you let them- so I don’t. Going off on a tangent- you see, its not that people don’t want you to succeed or don’t believe in you, they just might not dream as big as you do. They might be destined for another path or experience and have no inclination of the magnificence you describe. So instead of letting them stop you, discern whether or not God wants you to share what He has given to you with others, and if so, when.
I’m back now. You see, even if profoundly written, I tend not to look back. I pursue an active, living God and I can not afford to be left behind. What I write, is what was given for the moment- a demonstration of my growth, weakness, creativity and outlook; my unique perspective on life as I know it…then. To be exposed is not easy. To allow God to be my strength and on display in my life is a joy. What areas of your life do you need to let mature? Ask God to show you and try your best to do it His way. It is not always easy. You will not always understand, but you always end up better than before.
This moment has ended. Thank you for your time.
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